Try Adding a Habit That Is Easy and Healthy
September 11, 2021SHARE:
Finding the good in people you come across daily is something most of us think little about. The unpleasant fact is that we all tend to judge and even criticize others across our interactions. That spills into negative comments about people, drawing comparisons, and ultimately separation from others.
Something fascinating – we would probably do this if we met ourselves (disguised of course).
Human nature sparks our unsuspecting mind into sizing up the other person – then building our own self-view up, even in a tiny way.
It makes sense. Life tears us down all day. We would feel incompetent, ineffective, and even invisible if we didn’t fight that all day. Right?
Contrary to our ingrained approach, we can find self-worth in a different way.
Finding the best in the people we engage with each day can be the very thing that brings your self-worth soaring to new heights.
It begins with a purposeful push inside us that digs into the person you encounter and walks away with a positive evaluation. Not a critique.
This may take a complete tug at the rudder of our typical reaction. Some of us are super grounded in the comparison trap. Either way, it takes hard work and practice to steer away from this tendency. BUT it is worth it.
Research suggests our reaction to these daily encounters is how we can develop strong self-worth, decrease our habits of critical views, and increase our empathy skills. That path to empathy translates to healthy social-emotional skills that serve us in every area of our lives.
If you fight that initial signal you feel deep inside that says – the person in front of you is not like you, you will find it extremely difficult. We naturally see people who don’t look like us or act like us as a bit of a threat.
Reality suggests we have much more in common than we would label as differences. Even when we meet our polar opposite, we can see the depths of their suffering, livelihood, and desire to connect.
I have worked on this simple technique for years and can attest to the wonderful benefits of digging for gold in people I would otherwise dismiss and say “not my type”.
Walking away from simple encounters ends with conclusions in our mind.
Try conjuring up the most positive thoughts of that encounter you possibly can. Even if they are irritating and nothing like you.
For example, if you encounter someone who talks non-stop about the rotten day they’ve had, you could walk away thinking “they are wallowing in misery” or you could twist that around to remember them as “someone who really needed a friend today”.
Find the good. It may not be a page of good but take the best of your interactions and try to connect and relate in the smallest way. If you manage to leave encounters with positive vibes, guess what? You will reap positive vibes!
A collection of positive vibes will bring you positive thoughts. Those translate to pleasant and enjoyable collections of experiences all day. Obviously, you need to avoid abusive and thoughtless folks. But the norm is going to be humans just trying to connect in some way with other humans and live life.
To review: Simply leave each encounter with a thought that is positive.
You are not less because someone else is self-assured and appears to have a life you would only dream of. We can’t walk in the shoes of those we see coming and going. We can either extend kindness or crumple up with inner dialogue about how unreal or imperfect someone appears.
Choose kindness.
If you do – it will choose you as well!
Sharon
Despite a socially demanding life as a school psychologist, adjunct college instructor, & writer; I often long for solitude and moments of reflection. If you could use a spark of joy, information, encouragement, or maybe a kick in the pants; join me.